A Fantastical Reality

so, i can see why this would look like fantasy, but it's not really, at least, i don't think it's going to be- i have yet to find out myself. i'd love some advice!

Prologue

Sophie was, if described in her own words, over imaginative. It wasn’t something the rest of the world saw. In fact, the rest of the world didn’t see much of what Sophie really was. A holographic wall of compassion and independence stood confidently between her unstable world of unknown origins, and the tangible world in which she was little more than average. In truth, though, she was far more than average. Layers upon layers of hidden ambition and immense courage lay hidden behind her wall, but no one knew anything of what lay back there. Nobody even knew there was a wall that could, and should, have been breeched.

As a child, the wall was barely more than a stone’s width wide. Perhaps there was even a time when there was no wall- when her imagination shone through her eyes, and her courage could be seen with every branch she climbed. But, where most people had ceramic walls that would crack as each blow was thrown and as each year passed, Sophie’s wall was elastic and impenetrable. With every hit the wall took, the wall grew, and with every year that came, the world behind the wall grew denser and Sophie came to love it immensely. For in Sophie’s world, she was the girl that lived behind the wall.

Chapter One

Talian sighed as she watched the moon unveil itself. The nights were getting colder as they sailed farther out to sea. The small child in her arms moved slightly under her blankets. Talian smiled at the little bundled and made for the door that would take them below deck. She wasn’t fond of men, human men in particular, let alone a whole crew of them all sharing a ship. She felt uneasy around them in the first place, but without her husband at her side she preferred to remain in her quarters. There had been no other choice, they had to get to the sea, and the ship had been the only one with a Captain brave enough to sail so near to the great falls. One stray current or gust of wind and the crew could easily lose control of the ship. But with her husband’s strength, they had managed so far to keep their course towards the outer shore of Lehra. It had been many years since she’d been outside the inner circle and travel was treacherous on the open sea.

The Captain’s giant form filled the doorway as Talian tried to make her way through. They mumbled silently as they attempted to move around each other, than froze at the same instant. The moon flickered briefly covering the deck with darkness, then appearing again a moment later. Both beings scanned the skies, forgetting their awkward position crammed in the doorframe, but there was nothing to see. Talian frowned and stepped back towards the deck.

“Maybe you should remain below deck,” the Captain said gruffly.

Talian ignored him and moved back to the center of the deck.

“There’s something up there,” she called softly. The few men on deck shifted uncomfortably. A couple spoke words of doubt, but most had the feeling their passengers were people of good instinct. Dalyth appeared by his wife’s side.

“Do you feel it?” He whispered.

Talian nodded. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

Dalyth said nothing, they both knew the answer.

“Where did he find his wings?” Talian wondered aloud.

“I have the idea that he didn’t find them honestly,” he grumbled.

Talian fidgeted restlessly. “I wish we weren’t on the open water. I’d feel so much more secure on solid ground.”

Dalyth smiled. “Our disadvantage is his as well. He has no reason to attack, anyways. We are leaving the inner circle, he can see that. There is no need for bloodshed.”

Talian shook her head. “His mind is different. He will not rest easy knowing we are still able to move. Even if we haven’t the resources to interrupt him or his plans, he will not be at ease.”

Dalyth wrapped an arm around her. “I don’t think that we have any more to worry about at the time. Other than, of course, avoiding seasickness.”

“I hope you’re right.”

* * *

The waters surged all throughout the night. Talian stayed below deck as the crew tried to fight out the storm. Dalyth was still high above in the crow’s nest trying to reach Chloe and discourage her winds. Pacing in her small cabin, Talian debated over whether or not she should join her husband high above the waters. Normally she would, but the thought of leaving her child alone in the midst of the storm and the men made her reluctant. Would they be able to ride this out? As far as she knew, Chloe and Dalyth had always been on good terms, which led her to the conclusion that this storm was not one of Chloe’s. The ship rocked violently, tipping dangerously on its side. Talian toppled over and let out a small yelp as the ship tipped back up again. Making a split second decision, she grabbed the child and ran out into the passage leading to the top deck. A surge of water rushed down to meet her as she opened the door to the upper deck. The wind roared and pushed her back a step. She could hear her husband even above the screaming of the wind and the pounding of the waves.

“To the Goddess Chloe, I beg!” he pleaded. “Ease your winds, bring us peace, Chloe!”

Talian gripped the edge of the door and tried to listen. He wasn’t even going by ritual now, he sounded more like a beaten animal begging for life. Turning her attention to the water she began her own prayers.

“Sachiel! To the King of the Seas I cry! Sachiel, ease or pass! We beg you, we bring no harm!”

The wind continued rage and in it she thought she heard a shriek of laughter. A great burst of flames came from the dark of the sky, blasting the mast upon which her husband clung. A small figure leapt into the violent waters below. Talian screamed, covering her child’s head in her coats.

“Please!” She screamed. “We are leaving! Please let us pass!”

Another blast of fire hit the deck and illuminated the sky long enough to see a pair of great black eyes surrounded by leathery folds of impenetrable scales. Even amongst all the noise surrounding her, she could hear many a gasp from the men still aboard. Without another look she bolted towards the edge of the ship, letting the wind and water carry her over into the deep.

* * *

Eight and a half years later, the small child (no longer quite as small) woke with a start.

“Lord Canus is expecting you for breakfast, milady.” Said a voice coming from somewhere in the vicinity of the hand that had shaken her.

Learie groaned as she tried to sit up. The mouth that had spoken now rested in an expression that looked suspiciously like a smirk.

“Yes, yes” Learie scowled “tell him I’m coming.”

Learie pulled herself up as she heard the door bang behind the despicable butler. Beginning her search for something comfortable to wear, she debated how terribly her uncle would react if she arrived to breakfast both late, and in trousers. She decided that it was too soon to stir up his wrath again and pulled out a pleasant, yellow gown.

Learie grimaced as the scratchy beaded flowers raked across her back. Still running the brush through her hair, Learie bolted out the door and down the hall and decided she could spare a minute to fix up her back.

Learie ducked into the library and quickly found the book she needed. With a few well-spoken words and a rather flamboyant hand gesture, Learie felt her freshly broken flesh healing over once more. Hoping her detour hadn’t cost her too much time, she sprinted the rest of the way to the dining hall, stopping only once to check her reflection. The points of her ears poked out from beneath her long dark hair which hung lankly about her face, little bits of red and gold glittering momentarily in the dull sunlight. Her skin was pale from spending the majority of her time in the library. A set of lively green eyes looked sadly out of place on the face of the sorrowful young girl.

Taking a deep breath, she held her chin up boldly and stepped around the corner, into the dining hall.

“You’re late,” stated the firm voice of her uncle. Learie decided not to comment and took her seat on the man’s left. He continued eating in silence and didn’t speak again until the girl’s breakfast had arrived and the servants had cleared out.

“I imagine you’ve learned your lesson?” he asked. Learie nodded in reply. Without bothering to inquire as to her intentions, he continued eating his breakfast.

“Your lessons will continue as scheduled.”

Learie finished her breakfast and rushed to the library. As the doors swung open she skidded to a halt face to face with her friend. The boy yanked her through the doors and hugged her for a solid thirty seconds, then pushed her away at arms length.

“What were you thinking?” he demanded. “And” he added before letting her speak, “Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning?”

Learie shrugged. “I wasn’t planning, that’s the problem. It was a spur of the moment decision. I climbed out a window and got as far as the wall before a guard got hold of me.”

Velkor looked her over suspiciously. “Why were you trying to get out?”

The girl shrugged again. “I’m not sure, to be honest with you. It’s just, well, I’ve never been outside the walls. I have no idea what the world is actually like! As for why I didn’t tell you anything, I guess I didn’t think about it.”

“I’d have gone with you, you know.”

“You would’ve?” she asked confused.

“Of course! You can’t just go exploring out there alone! Who knows what’s beyond the walls?”

Learie smiled. She should have expected as much. For as long as she could remember, the two of them had been the only kids in the palace. Of course there were servants children and soldiers sons, but Learie and Velkor were the only ones allowed to travel freely in the halls and rooms of the manor. Velkor was about a year older than Learie though both acted years above their age- another characteristic rarely seen amongst the children of the working hands.

“It wasn’t much of an adventure. Plus I got a thrashing for it. But I’ll let you know next time I plan an adventure,” she promised.

“Next time?”

Learie blushed. “You know, if I ever plan an adventure. Now go, my lesson starts in a minute!”

“Right, I’ll find you later” he added on his way out the door.

Learie stood in thought for a moment then turned back to the shelves of books. ”What shall I study tonight?” she muttered to herself. Selecting one of the dusty volumes at random, she flipped through the pages carefully. “A History of Lehra” Learie snorted. No thank you she thought to herself. How about something a little more…hands on. She picked another volume. “Human Transformation, this could be interesting” she smiled to herself. Although she had general transformations down, human transformations were a whole new level. Demonstrating her skills, Learie shrank the large volume and transformed it easily into a small flower, which she tucked behind her ear casually. She observed the gap left in the shelf thoughtfully, and then came to a decision. With a flick of her hand the many volumes on the shelf expanded perhaps a fraction of a centimeter, making up for the empty space left by the missing volume.

“Unintelligent” she muttered quietly. “Someday I’ll show him.”

Canus entered the chamber without making a sound. Learie pretended not to have noticed him. The man sighed dramatically. “You certainly aren’t very alert. I thought all elves were supposed to have the grace and swiftness of a doe.”

Learie shrugged. “I am only half elf. Perhaps I inherited the clumsiness of man,” she suggested innocently.

Canus scowled. “There are no clumsy men in this blood line. Ignorant, perhaps,” he added smugly. It was Learie’s turn to scowl.

“Today we are studying telekinesis. The ability to control an object with your mind.”

Learie nodded dutifully. Little did he know that she had mastered telekinesis some years ago with a book hidden similarly to the one posing as the flower in her hair.

“Now” Canus continued. “It takes a very strong mind to control an object, it will take much practice before you’re able to grasp the skill completely.”

Learie held back a giggle. It had taken her no more than two tries to raise her bed a foot off the ground.

“It takes concentration, will power, and ambition,” he preached. “You need to take command of the object. Order it to obey, threaten it if need be.”

Learie raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she stared blankly at the small marble waiting apprehensively at the center of the worktable. Don’t move please she asked it. The marble sighed with relief and remained in its spot. Canus sneered.

“I expected that much.”

Learie scowled. “You said it takes practice, did you not?” she retorted.

“For you, yes. It took no time at all for myself, or even my foolish brother.”

Learie rolled her eyes. It was no wonder he underestimated her so grossly. She’d been playing stupid for the last year to avoid revealing her out of class study sessions.

Without warning the door flew open. Canus flinched and looked at Learie in surprise at her calmness. He quickly lost train of the thought as a servant bolted in.

“I thought I told you not to disturb me while I’m in the library,” he hissed.

Learie watched curiously; she’d never seen this man before, which was odd. She knew most of the servant’s faces and names; there were no more than twenty around the palace. She wondered where he had come from.

“Sir” the man stammered, “Sir there’s a serious problem.”

Canus stood, a look e somewhere between agitation and concern on his face. As the servant came face to face with his Lord, he started mumbling loudly. Learie tried to figure out was going on, but Canus hushed the man too quickly. They left the room, quickly. Learie muttered a few words and heard the volume of the conversation rising to a point where every word was clear.

“It’s the troops, sir. They’re growing restless. You promised them fighting, rewards, and lands. They’ve had nothing to do for too long, it’s starting to get to them. There are rumors of mutiny, Sir.”

Learie furrowed her eyebrows. What armies? She’d lived here all her life and never seen any armies. In fact, the only people she ever saw were her uncle, a the handful of servants, and Velkor, the son of Canus’s right hand man.

Canus snorted. “Mutiny? Do they think they can overthrow the Lord of Mohmared? Find General Gillan, tell him I will meet him in my study.”

“Aye My Lord. Right away My Lord.” The servant stumbled away in relief.

Mohmared? Was she in Mohmared?

“The lesson is over,” Canus spat, momentarily entering the room. He immediately turned on his heal and set off down the hall.

Learie jumped to her feet as the door slammed and ran back to the shelves of books. She came to a halt back in front of the geography books and began flipping through a large atlas. She knew she’d heard the name before, but there was no reference to Mohmared in this, or any of the other books. Velkor appeared behind her silently.

“What’d you find?” he asked, reading over her shoulder. Learie jumped.

“How do you do that?!” She asked distractedly. The boy shrugged. Velkor was small and appeared harmless at first glance, but he was quick of tongue and even quicker with a sword. He was maybe a year older than Learie and had therefore taken it as his responsibility to teach her to survive in the world, though he knew little of it himself. He had successfully taught her to ride, swim, and fight.

“Do you know where we are?” Learie asked suddenly back on track. Velkor stared at her for a moment.

“The library…” he raised his eyebrows with mock concern.

“Ha-ha, very funny. Seriously though. Do you have any idea?”

Velkor shrugged. “Somewhere along the outskirts of Lehra’s inner circle? That’s all I’ve got.”

Learie nodded. “Same here, and I definitely think this is something we should know.”

Velkor grinned. “Probably could be helpful someday.”

Learie led the way out of the labyrinth of shelves and to the door. Checking to make sure there was no one in the halls, she grabbed his hand and started quickly down the hall. Servants bowed hastily as Learie and Velkor rushed by. They nodded instinctively but avoided conversation, which may have seemed natural in most castles, but in such an unpopulated one as Mohmared’s, Learie rarely went a day without hearing about the woes of the workers.

As they neared Learie’s bedroom, she took one last look to make sure no one was around and led Velkor inside. Velkor looked around in surprise. As long as they’d been friends, he’d never been in Learie’s bedroom. It was one of the few places both his father and Canus had forbidden. The walls were a dark golden color with a rich texture. Crimson tapestries embellished with golden yellow flowers had been cast open to reveal a large bay window overlooking the tall stretch of mountains that walled in one side of the fortress. A lush cream-colored carpet covered the floor. The bed was of rich mahogany and curtained by silk of crimson, gold, and jade, complementing the rest of the room’s adornments. The fireplace roared with fire, apparently angry at being left to heat an empty room for over an hour. It settled a bit as they entered. Learie looked at it crossly, then gestured to the bed.

“Please, sit.” She said politely as Velkor made himself comfortable, Learie began stomping out the fire. Velkor watched amused.

“Have you ever heard of a place called Mohmared?” Learie asked, now scrounging through the ash. Velkor nodded slowly.

“Sounds familiar.”

Learie plucked one of the stones from the bottom of the grate to reveal a small hole containing an even smaller silver key. Now completely standing inside the fireplace, she ushered Velkor forward, then stopped.

“One minute, actually.”

Velkor blinked as Learie’s legs disappeared. Poking his head in cautiously, he saw that she was climbing up what should have been a chimney. Her body reappeared soon after. She quickly replaced the key under the stone and cleaned up the mess by hand.

“Why not just use the spirit or something?” he asked.

“Because I want no traces of the spirit here. He would expect me to just use a spell, he doesn’t think I know half as much as I do.” She grinned maliciously. “It’s rather amusing, really. He’ll regret it someday. And now,” she added, pushing him into the pit, “climb.”

“Seriously?”

She nodded.

Velkor looked skeptically up the stone chimney, and then started to climb. Learie waited a minute to make sure everything looked as it should, and then followed. Used to the handholds in the cracked stone, Learie soon caught up to the struggling boy.

“Stop here” she instructed as she carefully maneuvered herself over him. Velkor clung to the wall and watched as Learie started moving stones around again. After a minute, she pulled one out to reveal a gold doorknob. She then slipped a key out of the sole of her slipper and unlocked the door with a twist. Another twist and a slightly larger passage was revealed.

Learie pulled herself in gracefully and offered a hand to Velkor, who gratefully accepted.

Closing the door behind them, Learie led the way through the tunnel. Velkor followed greatly impressed that Learie knew where she was going through all the passes. Left, right, left, right, then straight for a while, finally arriving at a dead end. Learie mumbled to herself then pulled a block out of the wall, exposing another key, which Velkor presumed belonged to another hidden doorknob. It did: another vertical pass.

“To the bottom” she said, following carefully as she swung the small door closed.

Velkor was surprised to find the downward climb much more difficult than the climb up had been. Light was scarce, and what light they did have was coming from one of Learie’s palms, which was currently occupied with the task at hand.

Learie quickly got ahead of him, moving in such a way that Velkor was sure she must have taken the route at least a hundred times. Learie straddled above the pit and flipped herself upside down so that only her head was exposed in the new fireplace.

Learie peered into the room she’d entered. So far, she’d never seen anyone in here. In fact, she was pretty sure there was no other way in, but better safe than sorry she figured.

“Alright. It’s clear,” she said, swinging herself down into the room.

Velkor dropped down behind her. His mouth immediately dropped in awe.

“Welcome to my study,” she grinned.

The room could be mistaken for nothing other than a very old study. Maps covered all parts of the walls that weren’t already covered by shelves of very old and official looking books. A large worktable took up about a quarter of the room’s area. A number of trunks lay about the room, some agape and others locked tight.

“So this is where you…study?” He asked lamely. Learie nodded as she browsed through her books, eventually landing on a large volume. She sat herself behind the desk and began rifling through the pages. A triumphant grin stretched across her face.

“Couldn’t get to every book in the place, eh? She murmured softly. The grin slowly faded as her eyebrows pinched together. Velkor sighed and turned to observe the room closer. Everything appeared antique, centuries old at least. The maps were detailed with pictures and symbols he’d never seen before. He shifted his attention to the trunk at his feet. It was carefully packed with blades of all sorts. Velkor lifted a majestic sword carefully out of its place. The scabbard was embedded with opals and pearls. Silver filigree shimmered in the hilt. He hesitated and instinctively moved his hand away from the hilt. Maybe this wasn’t the time to unsheathe it. He replaced it carefully and moved on to another trunk. This one contained several hand made bows with carefully crafted arrows beside them. Gold filigree was twined about the wood in patterns similar to those on the hilt of the sword. He set it back in it’s place and let his eyes roam over the books. With an effort he pulled out a heavy atlas. Velkor sat down on the floor and flipped through the pages idly. It was going to be a while.

He was almost half way through the volume when a slight bang came from behind him. Learie’s book landed on the desk as she buried her head in her hands.

“I was afraid of this,” she muttered.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

You can earn up to 570 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.
User avatar
Myth
Review
Myth wrote a review · Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:08 pm

Green = Comment/Correction
Blue = Suggestion
Black = Review

*

Dalyth smiled. “Our disadvantage is his as well. He has no reason to attack, anyways. We are leaving the inner circle, he can see that. There is no need for bloodshed.”


‘anyways’ = anyway

“To the Goddess Chloe, I beg!” he pleaded. “Ease your winds, bring us peace, Chloe!”


I thought Chloe was a person =]

Eight and a half years later, the small child (no longer quite as small) woke with a start.


Maybe: ... the child (no longer quite small) ... / ... the child, no longer quite small, ...

Also, you could think of another way the child wakes up. Falls off the bed, wakes up with the sun shining, something that doesn’t make them get up immediately.

“Yes, yes[,]” Learie scowled[,] “tell him I’m coming.”


^^^ See quote

Learie pulled herself up as she heard the door bang behind the despicable butler.


Since she is a girl, of a certain age, she would need a female servant at the door.

“What were you thinking?” he demanded. “And[,]” he added before letting her speak, “Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning?”


^^^ See quote

“A History of Lehra[?/,]” Learie snorted. No thank you[,] she thought to herself.


^^^ See quote

She picked another volume. “Human Transformation, this could be interesting[,]” she smiled to herself.


^^^ See quote

“Unintelligent[,]” she muttered quietly. “Someday I’ll show him.”


^^^ See quote

“Now[,]” Canus continued.


^^^ See quote

[S – S –] Sir[,]” the man stammered, “Sir[,] there’s a serious problem.”


Last time I will point this out. As the man stammers you could have a few S’s in there.

Canus stood, a look e somewhere between agitation and concern on his face.


... ?

Learie tried to figure out was going on, but Canus hushed the man too quickly. They left the room, quickly.


Repetition of ‘quickly’.

In fact, the only people she ever saw were her uncle, a [s]the[/s] handful of servants, and Velkor, the son of Canus’s right hand man.


^^^ See quote

“Aye My Lord. Right away My Lord.” The servant stumbled away in relief.


Needs commas in there.

“How do you do that[?!]” She asked distractedly.


Never ever use question and exclamation mark together.

He was maybe a year older than Learie and had therefore taken it as his responsibility to teach her to survive in the world, though he knew little of it himself.


Before you said he was a year older, now ‘maybe’? And since we already know you don’t need to repeat his age—unless you give the actual number.

Used to the handholds in the cracked stone, Learie soon caught up to the struggling boy.


‘Used’ = Using, or did you mean she was used to it? If that’s the case, ignore my correction.

“Couldn’t get to every book in the place, eh?[”] She murmured softly.


^^^ See quote

*

Hello there!

Please make sure you space out your work, very hard to read and also I have to do it myself—it gets annoying after a while.

Is this the world Sophie has made up? It’ll be interesting to see what happens if I’m correct.

You repetitively use character names when ‘he’ or ‘she’ would do, so that’s something you need to work on. Also you don’t include punctuation for some of your dialogues, I pointed a few out, others I’ve left for you to find for yourself.

I thought her mother went overboard when the ‘wind and water carried her into the deep’?

I expected more from the breakfast scene, but you just had them eating and she leaves so I really don’t see a point to it. Other than the uncle telling her than she would continue her lessons.

-- Myth



Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus